May 23, 2005
What a Sunday
Yesterday was a great day. The service at Emmaus was right on target with some things God has been saying. Pastor Mike spoke about the storms in life. He said how sometimes the storms are caused by a result of our actions, or by an attack from the devil, or by loved ones, or by God. And sometimes the storm comes BECAUSE we are doing what God asked us to do. Even then, the storm could still be caused by God. He focused on the story when Peter started to walk on the water toward Jesus. Jesus wants us to walk on the storms of life, not sink in them. It was just great to hear yet another confirmation that storms are coming.
In the afternoon, I drove down to Deliverance Bible Church in Hurst, TX (around Dallas). What an awesome night I had there. I arrived there about 30 minutes early, so I was feeling slightly awkward about going in. But if I'm predetermined to love everyone, I shouldn't be afraid to look foolish. If anything, I was foolish for being a little afraid.
Its located in a pretty shabby area next to a couple of other stores and some empty office spaces. There were a couple of cars parked out front. When I pulled into a parking space, I noticed two guys standing right in front of the parking space I was in, leaning on a window talking. I couldn't tell if they were part of the church or not. One of them looked like he was about 70 years old and the other was around his mid-30's with dirty looking skin and he was wearing a cowboy hat. Before I arrived, my plan was to just sit in the car and read until it was closer to service time. After I read a little, I saw two people go in. I figured I'd go in since I knew some people were in there.
Inside, the church looks like it could have been a thrift store or some kind of cheap clothing store. The ceiling was low. There were a couple of poles supporting the ceiling. Rows of fold down chairs were lined up facing the stage. The stage had some nice drums, some bongos, guitars, and mic stands. Behind the stage the wall had a cool painting of a banner that said, "Jesus".
I started wandering around, looking at some of the pictures they had on the wall, and reading some of the little statements they had painted on various parts of the wall. As I was at a table, grabbing a business card and a flyer, this tall, skinny, tattoo-covered, bald-headed (razor bald) guy looks at me and says, "First time here?" He introduced himself as Pastor Cleetus and I told him how Austin raves about this church. He made me feel very welcome, and he genuinely looked happy to have me there. Right when I was finished filling out a visitor's card, he introduced me to Mike.
It turns out that Mike is going to be in NYC all summer doing an internship at a video production facility. He seemed pretty excited about going, yet unsure of how housing will work out. Mike introduced me to his girlfriend Kate. The two were so open and I felt completely at home just hanging out with them. They introduced me to a few people here and there. Then the service started.
I've been to charismatic churches before, but not like this. Right before the band started playing music, everyone was told that they could worship however they want. We could stand, sit, dance, jump, or even lay down -- just whatever we felt comfortable with. And that's exactly how it was. Some were sitting, standing, , dancing, jumping, head banging, lifting hands, clapping, raising one fist (almost like saying , "JESUS POWER!!"). It was great to be in the midst of that freedom. I could act like I was all by myself praising God, because I didn't have to be concerned about what anyone thought. Most of all, there was so much joy filling the place. Everyone was shouting out the joyful songs, it made me laugh because of the overwhelming joy. It's a great way to get a taste of what praising God forever in His presence will be like.
Then the sermon... Once again, God just making it extra clear that we need to love Him with all of our hearts. Cleetus spoke about being aggressive for the kingdom of God. We need to be aggressive about forgiving -- seeking out those who have really hurt us and telling them that we forgive them. We need to be aggressive about turning the other cheek. We need to be aggressive about prayer. Then he spoke some on prayer. Especially when we are asking for a miracle, like healing, we shouldn't stop praying just because the person wasn't healed right away. Sometimes, we need to pray until they are healed. That is the prayer of faith -- praying UNTIL it happens. We looked at James chapter 5. James speaks about praying for a sick person WILL heal them, if it is a prayer offered in faith. Then James points out Elijah. So we looked at Elijah. In I Kings 18:41-45:
Now Elijah said to Ahab, "Go up, eat and drink; for there is the sound of the roar of a heavy shower." So Ahab went up to eat and drink. But Elijah went up to the top of Carmel; and he crouched down on the earth and put his face between his knees. He said to his servant, "Go up now, look toward the sea." So he went up and looked and said, "There is nothing." And he said, "Go back" seven times. It came about at the seventh time, that he said, "Behold, a cloud as small as a man's hand is coming up from the sea." And he said, "Go up, say to Ahab, 'Prepare your chariot and go down, so that the heavy shower does not stop you.'" In a little while the sky grew black with clouds and wind, and there was a heavy shower.
This story takes place after a 3 year drought. The point of this story is to show how persistent we must be with our prayer. Cleetus also brought up a testimony of someone he knew who brought his wife to someone to heal her. She was terminally ill and it was his last hope. This person layed hands on her, and prayed 22 hours for her until she was finally healed. If you read James chapter 5, he says that we must pray for someone who is sick and they WILL be healed - not they might be healed.
After service, I went out to eat with Mike and Kate, along with some others (Naaman, Jeremy, Beth, Mike, John). It was good to just hang out and eat. I got back here in OKC at around 2am. I was pretty tired in school today, but I was happy with that. I was really blessed to see so many people with such a passion and faith in Jesus. It's the kind of people I can really feel at home with.
Posted by fabijo at 04:45 PM | Comments (2)
May 19, 2005
So Tempting
I know this may sound silly, but my hardest temptation to deal with right now is to download a DVD of the newest Star Wars movie. The site I usually get a TV show from (like Numb3rs) also has the DVD. I'm resisting, because I know my motivation is just to get Kudos. So it's a little bit of an inner turmoil going on. But praise God, because I know that all things are counted loss in comparison to gaining Christ. And please don't ask me to tell you where to get it!!! I won't be an accomplice. ;-)
I'm looking forward to Sunday. I'm gonna take a 3 hour drive to attend Deliverance Bible Church. Check out a little flash video on them here.
I'm also real excited about some things God is revealing to me about purification. The same way that I don't have to do anything to be born again, I also don't have to do anything to be pure. Just looking at Him, hoping in Him, believing in Him, trusting in Him -- is my purification. I don't need to beat myself up or anything like that. I need only trust and obey. I trust that He is molding me. He will bring the perfect circumstances to crucify my own self and bring in His resurrection. As John the Baptist said, "He must increase and I must decrease." Seeing Jesus for who He is and not judging Him fills us with light. Matthew 6:22:
The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light.
Also, look at this promise. I John 3:2,3:
Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.
Isn't it amazing that seeing "Him just as He is" will make us like Him? So if we get little glimpses of Him here and now, we become a little more like Him. There is nothing we need to DO to be cleansed, we need only believe in Him. And if we are cleansed, we will naturally begin to act like Him because He is clean and pure. We can NEVER take credit for doing anything for ourselves -- He gets all the praise! It just keeps blowing my mind away. God is just so good.
It's so sad how often in the past I would worry about whether God is upset with me or not. I can keep messing up and each time just feel like God is so disappointed in me. What was my problem? I believed that sin had power over me. It doesn't. God gave us victory over sin. The moment we believe that, we have freedom.
Posted by fabijo at 06:59 PM | Comments (4)
May 16, 2005
Seeing God
Today was a great day. I went to Emmaus Baptist Church here in OKC. A guy named R. from my FAA class came with me. We first went to Sunday school where I got to share a brief version of my testimony. Also, we got to hear the testimony of someone else who had a close, powerful experience with God. It's always a great way to start a day being able to hear of something God is doing in someone's life.
Then worship service was awesome. I've been working on forgetting the world and only focusing on Jesus. It felt like such victory singing "I Believe in Him". While singing, the Spirit was revealing more glimpses of Jesus. His joy was filling my body as I praised Him. I was nearly laughing as I sang. I don't think I was ever that unashamed of the joy of looking only at Him. God is finally getting through to me that my holding onto some guilt has hindered me from experiencing the pouring out of His Spirit.
Back in December of 1995, God poured out such an abundant amount of love into my heart. It happened when I accidently walked into a worship service in a little storefront in San Diego, CA. I saw a small group of people singing true praises to God. They were whole-heartedly lifting up Jesus in their songs. I just stood there amazed at the sight, because I could see that these people knew God. I didn't even think these people were people; I thought they were angels. I tried to clap to the music, but I just could not emulate their love for God. My heart started going through a bunch of emotions. I was getting angry because nobody was coming up to me and explaining how I could praise like that. Before long, I just broke down into tears. I have never cried like that in my entire life, neither before then nor since. It was like dying -- and I was dying. As I cried, I asked God not to leave me alone. Just then, a man came to me, hugged me, and told me to let it all out. As I weeped, I could feel my soul dying, but at the same time it was being filled with a new Spirit -- God's Holy Spirit. After a while, my tears were gone and I felt new. The guy asked me if I knew Jesus. At that point, there was a new presence surrounding me and filling me. I told him that if this is who Jesus is, then I do know Him. Next, the guy told me not to be afraid but to follow the lead of the Spirit. I could physically feel the Spirit leading me to drop to the floor flat on my face and worship.
At that point, I got afraid. It was already "bad" enough that a Marine friend of mine saw me crying. I was too afraid to look like a crazy nut out of my mind praising God. So I ran out of the place. Just that decision to disobey the Spirit has worked on me for so many years. I'm only now letting go of that guilt. For some reason, I believed the lie that I could never walk in step with the Spirit because I missed my chance when He was very clear. The truth is finally starting to sink in about how good God is. Learning to walk in the Spirit is similar to learning how to walk with our feet. When my kids fell trying to walk, I didn't tell them that they'll never walk right because they fell the first time they tried. If I, a mere human, can be understanding when my kid falls, how much more understanding can God be. Remember how loving He is -- He sent His own Son to become our sin and to die as sin, just for us.
I've been reminded a few times of Paul's words recently in Philippians 3:13,14:
Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
God's kingdom is coming. I look forward to the day when the blinders are removed and we can see Him for who He really is. We have the promise that those of us who are holding onto that hope will become like Him. Amen.
Posted by fabijo at 01:11 AM | Comments (3)
May 15, 2005
I Just Realized
Earlier today I realized how different I sound when I write as opposed to when I am talking. When I'm with people, I'm usually joking around or laughing about something. But when I write, I tend to write about some serious or heavy thing that I think about. So, just reading this, one could get the idea that I am always a serious person.
If you met me, you'd see me laughing alot and just joking around about dumb stuff. And if you saw me giggling to myself, it could either be because I'm thinking of that glorious day in heaven or it could be because I'm thinking of a picture like this.
Posted by fabijo at 06:25 AM | Comments (2)
May 13, 2005
The Dark Times
I just woke up. It's almost 1am here in OKC. I was seriously being attacked by a demonic force while I was asleep. A couple of weeks ago, I knew that some dark times were coming. I know that things much worse than a little nightmare will be happening soon. It's all a trial. I still believe that God is in control and He has a good plan for my life. So I thank Him for the coming trials (and especially for the warning).
Just before I woke up, my nightmare is kind of diffucult to put into words. I felt an overpowering presence that kept trying to put fears into me and showed me images of my kids and Glaucia. At some point I was on a cliff in the dark trying to reach a box of something. I started to wake up, but the presence got stronger and stronger and I couldn't move. I felt like God told me to get up, but I tried and something told me that I couldn't do it. Suddenly, I woke up to a loud knocking sound. I sat up in my bed and prayed. Nobody was at the door, so I don't know what the knocking sound was.
What I am interpreting all this to mean is that Satan's forces are trying to discourage me from loving my enemies. They are trying to tell me that I can't. Well, that's true. Look at Mark 10:26,27:
They were even more astonished and said to Him, "Then who can be saved?" Looking at them, Jesus said, "With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God."
I have God's Spirit within me and it is Him who lives out His love. It is my job to submit to Him. I have to admit that I'm a little nervous about what's going to be happening, but I know that God will not let me go through anything beyond what I can bear. So if it is something very harsh, I am amazed that God places that much trust in me. I keep praying for my family, because that is probably my biggest weak spot.
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The day is coming when the world will fade away and we will all stand naked before our maker. We came here alone and we will leave here alone. I am looking forward to that day!
Posted by fabijo at 06:51 AM | Comments (3)
May 10, 2005
In Oklahoma City
I just arrived in OKC today. I'll be here for two weeks. My job sends me here often for training. I'm hoping that this time away from home will be a time I can dedicate to reading, praying, and reflecting.
All I have to do is step outside to see how little I love people. I'm hesitant to look someone in the eye, so forget about smiling at a stranger. I'm trying to remember how overwhelmingly present God is all the time. It is my own unbelief and sin that hides God's presence from me. Whether I am aware or not, He is there. If I can remember that God is looking through everyone's eyes, maybe I can see God behind the eyes of a stranger. God, whom I know because of Jesus. The stranger no longer looks like a stranger, but starts to look a little like Jesus. I can faintly recognize something I know in that stranger. And if that stranger happens to be cursing me at any moment, God is still there, looking through their eyes, wanting to mold that person's heart. If I abide in the Spirit, hopefully the presence of God can break through and free that person to submit to God who has always been with them.
Pray for me, because I am so far from submitting my whole being to Christ.
Posted by fabijo at 11:10 PM | Comments (2)
May 05, 2005
Introduction
I pray this is a learning experience for me and others. I'm on a dedicated journey to experience God more and more every day. God is with everyone (good and evil). I especially am convinced that to experience the depths of God's presence is to bless those who curse me and to truly love them. Jesus said in John 14:21 -
He who has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me; and he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.
He manifests Himself when we step out on faith and love everyone, no matter what they may say or do to us. I am experiencing so much joy as I put into practice dedicating my body to God and allowing Him to share His love to all the people in my life. I am hoping this blog can be a little bit of a chronicle of the miracles that will take place as I jot down some of the moments with God.
God bless you and thank you for reading this!
Posted by fabijo at 06:42 AM | Comments (0)