« November 2005 | Main | January 2006 »
December 19, 2005
Thank God I'm Tired
These past few weeks have been some trying times. I've had so many days of doubt. Too much watching my family struggling through some of the hardest times we've experienced. My days have been going by where I'm completely losing track of time, forgetting if I ate or who I've spoken to. I've spent hours on the phone with so many people. Hours of these days have been in deep, true prayer. I'm exhausted. My mom is exhausted. My patience is being stretched to its outer limits. At times, I haven't felt any emotions, just numbness.
The craziest thing about all of this is that when I pause, pray, and remember, I feel peace and hope. If I start thinking about what things have gone wrong and the potential problems that might creep up, I can feel what the enemy wants me to feel. When I look on how these past few weeks have been and remember how God's people have pulled together, how great the hospital was that my brother went to, how I see my mom living with hope, and numerous blessings in between -- I can see that God is faithful and is working and has been working. If I give in to the fears of the enemy, I'll miss out on the hope God's providing. He's brought us this far, He's not going to forsake us now. God is REAL and ALIVE and ACTIVE.
It is scary and exciting to trust in God. I know He is working all things for the good of those that love Him, but the scary thing is how far He'll allow us to be stretched in the mean time (I mean, He wanted His Son to die on the cross!). Another scary thing is that I'm not losing hope, so I'm afraid God will allow Satan to stretch me further. Go ahead. If God allows it, then I'll still praise God, because He knows a heck of alot more than Satan.
These hard times have opened my eyes to God's power. He is fighting a tough battle with darkness and He's using us feeble, broken, lame believers as His warriors. That's gotta be a blow to Satan's pride! I can't wait to see what else is in store.
Posted by fabijo at 11:57 PM | Comments (2)